Whod you bang
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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