I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
