but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
