Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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