who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You have to summon your inner elephant
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
