Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
