i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
