dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
