Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
