I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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