I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
