I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
