Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
