Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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