And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
