FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
