Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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