woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
