The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I am midnight drunk by noon
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
