Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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