Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
