i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
