Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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