im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
