I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
