I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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