remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
