I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
