so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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