Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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