he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Less talking, more tequila
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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