i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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