I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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