I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
