Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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