Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
