So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
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