you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
