Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
