so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
