do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
