You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
