After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
