Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
