So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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