All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
