Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
