I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
