no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
