I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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