Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
