he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
