She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
